Dealing With Depression During or After Divorce or a Breakup

Other than the death of a loved one or a major illness, divorce is one of the biggest life stressors you may face. It's a complicated decision, both legally and emotionally, and it's not uncommon for depression and divorce to occur together.

Depression after divorce is common because it's a major loss that can bring with it immense grief. Sometimes, a traumatic event like divorce may exacerbate a preexisting mental health condition or lead to the development of a new one. What are the signs you should look out for, and how can you prepare for them as you navigate this difficult time?

Common Stressors from Divorce

During a divorce, you're attempting to live your everyday life on top of juggling all of the divorce-related stressors. It can be emotionally and mentally draining for anyone, so it's not surprising if you're wondering whether what you're feeling right now is from divorce, depression, or both.

Common stressors during this time can include needing to start over, deciding whether to keep your marital home or move, losing the life and lifestyle you know, paying high lawyer fees, and managing your children's reactions if you're a parent. And then, of course, there's the stress of the unknown. You may wonder if the divorce settlement agreement will be just, if you'll get the assets you want and need, and if your employment status will need to change (e.g., if you need to go back to work after you've been a stay-at-home parent). You may also wonder how divorce will affect your kids and other relationships in your life, like mutual friends.

Recognizing Symptoms of Depression during or after Divorce

If you're also managing symptoms of depression, these stressors can be even more difficult to manage. It can be hard to distinguish whether you're experiencing expected stress and/or depression, especially since the two often coexist. However, there are some specific symptoms of depression that aren't caused by everyday stress. These symptoms can include fatigue, feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness, weight loss or gain, and thoughts of death or suicide.

While you might feel that this isn't the right time to seek treatment, remember that depression can also impact decision-making capacity, and it's critical to be able to think clearly and advocate for yourself while you're dealing with a life decision as complicated as divorce.  When symptoms from depression and divorce start impacting your life—if you have trouble making it to work or keeping up with your responsibilities, for example—it may be time to seek treatment.

One of the best ways you can advocate for yourself if you're experiencing depression during your divorce is to seek care. Your first line of treatment will likely be either talk therapy or medication. You may want to talk to your primary care provider and see if they have a referral to a therapist. If you're prescribed medication, don't be discouraged if the first pharmacological treatment you try isn't the one for you—less than 30% of people find the right one on the first try.

However, if you've tried two or more medications and are still experiencing symptoms of depression, you're not out of solutions. Another option to consider is transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), a treatment that uses magnetic pulses to gently stimulate areas of the brain. TMS is non-invasive, and its treatments are short (about 20 minutes), creating minimal disruption to your already full routine.

It's common to experience depression during or after divorce, but you don't have to feel this way. If you're not feeling better after medication and therapy, then consider looking into other treatments, such as TMS. But above all, be sure to give yourself grace while going through this hard time, and as much time as you can when making a big decision.